tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6209652305505126884.post1254551057473937715..comments2023-07-10T05:21:21.626-07:00Comments on J. LLOYD MORGAN'S BLOG: Change my name?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6209652305505126884.post-35255748086861880542013-04-21T15:20:57.749-07:002013-04-21T15:20:57.749-07:00Great blog Jason. Having been married for 17 year ...Great blog Jason. Having been married for 17 year now, I think you nailed it pretty well in suggesting that for a marriage to work, there has to be compromises on both sides. Great answer to the previous commenter's comment. Your response was spot on. We don't have to give up our self-identity or self respect when we get married. We do have to give up a lot of self, however. That's what becoming one is all about. Love is an action verb and requires self-sacrifice to flourish. It means learning how to communicate and thereby understand each other and each other's wants and needs and be willing to give and take as required. <br /><br />Great article!RD McNeelyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08722855444905143988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6209652305505126884.post-46142409481949898872013-04-21T09:44:47.342-07:002013-04-21T09:44:47.342-07:00Thank you for posting your opinion. I agree with y...Thank you for posting your opinion. I agree with you when you state, “A woman's choice to NOT change her name doesn't mean she is not 100% committed.” I’m sure there are cultures in the world where women don’t change their last name. To be clear, I live in the USA where it is tradition that when a couple gets married, the woman takes on the man’s last name. I don’t see it as “a woman must become a man's property for her place in society to be recognized” nor did I even remotely suggest that in my blog.<br /><br />I will, however, ask you to consider your statement, “Self-respect and self-identity makes for a happier, healthier person” in light of my point that couples need to be willing to make compromises, and even changes for a marriage to work. I don’t see these compromises or changes as a direct conflict to self-respect or self-identity. Am I the same person now as when I was married 21 years ago? No. Did I makes sacrifices to make my marriage work? Yes. Do I have self-respect and a solid self-identity? Yes.<br /><br />Sadly, I’ve seen marriages end because one of the people involved refused to make compromises for fear they would lose their self-respect and / or self-identity. I can only speak for myself when I say by doing all I can to make my wife happy, my self-respect and self-identity has only matured, which is one reason I believe my wife and I are still married.<br />.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00218555080658874238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6209652305505126884.post-47262176297679441972013-04-21T09:30:44.607-07:002013-04-21T09:30:44.607-07:00Actually, my wife and I do something similar. We e...Actually, my wife and I do something similar. We each have an “allowance” each month we can spend on whatever we want. My concern with the three checking accounts is that each person would have their direct deposit go to their personal account, and then they would transfer “their share of what they owed” to the joint account. To me, the couple is missing out on the chance to grow together by doing this..https://www.blogger.com/profile/00218555080658874238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6209652305505126884.post-34509573027227896712013-04-21T07:33:39.184-07:002013-04-21T07:33:39.184-07:00Both parties, or even just the man, could change t...Both parties, or even just the man, could change their last names. It shouldn't always fall upon the woman. A woman's choice to NOT change her name doesn't mean she is not 100% committed. Self-respect and self-identity makes for a happier, healthier person. And, besides, we are past the age of when a woman must become a man's property for her place in society to be recognized. nrlymrtlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00572346310916207565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6209652305505126884.post-62583454068883187362013-04-21T05:17:07.483-07:002013-04-21T05:17:07.483-07:00Great post, Jason! I was one of those ladies who d...Great post, Jason! I was one of those ladies who didn't want to change my name. But it really meant a lot to my husband, so I did change it - and I'm glad I did. It made him happy, and it was the right thing to do as it mattered more to him than it did to me. To me, a name is just a name and what matters most is in the heart, but to him the name symbolized what was in the heart. :) <br /><br />We are one of those couples with three checking accounts, though! Not to keep money away from each other, but to each be able to spend and save money for personal items the other might not agree with. All our income goes into the joint account, but then we each get a small monthly deposit into our individual accounts. I tend to drain my individual account on stuff like overpriced coffees and little splurges/trinkets - stuff that, if I spent it from our joint account, it'd really bother my husband. He tends to save his money and spend it on stuff I find superfluous, like that surround sound stereo system. I'd have a problem with him spending our joint savings on that system. In the end, I suppose it all evens out - mochas and surround sound systems - but it's nice to be able to "waste" money on coffee without feeling guilty that I'm spending money my husband would rather be saving! Are you biting your tongue? ;)Tamara Wardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13794264222717307506noreply@blogger.com