Epitaphs and Etiquette

Each year, the young women and young men (ages 12 to 18) in our church congregation have an "etiquette dinner". They learn about proper ways to behave on a date.

This year's dinner was close to Halloween, so my wife asked me to come up with some epitaphs for those that didn't follow the rules.

These will mean more if you are a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but even if you aren't, keep in mind that some of these guidelines may seem old fashioned today. For example, waiting until 16 to date, when slow dancing, making sure there is space between the couples and such.

Without further ado, here are some of the epitaphs:


The life of Riley
Is now at an end
Asking the question,
"Can't we just be friends?"

Rest now peace
Our noble Aaron
Asked out Haley
In front of Darrin

Struck down by lightening
Were Maddie and Norman
The space between dancing
Just one Book of Mormon

Dear McKay was quite wise
He was never home late
But foolish in taking
Two girls on the same date

Please rest in peace
Our sweetest Kelley
She choked on butterflies
From inside her belly

No longer on this Earth
Is the unwise young Tom
When he told Carla
You remind me of Mom

Deep in this grave
Is our dear Nate
He tried to kiss
His very first date

At the zoo died Dallin
Dating a girl that he dug
Took too literally
Request for a bear hug

Dear Julia is gone
Not high, low or in-between
'Cos she went on a date
Before she was sixteen

Madsen is quite dead
It's hard to believe
From trying to wipe
His mouth on his sleeve

Here lies the very young Alex
He felt like such a dork
Died from embarrassment
From using the wrong fork

The far too young Morgan
Buried there in the sands
On a date with Derrick
Tried to drive and hold hands

Passed away is Daniel
On a date was this dude
Ate with his mouth open
Misunderstood "sea food"

Gone away is Brycen
Accidently mistook
While picking up his date
Beautiful Blair for Brook

David didn't have much
Between his two ears
Asking twenty-six girls
To wait for two years